Dominant + Submissive Relationships / Domination + Submission Life

About

This is a new site we built to discuss the fast growing underground dominant submissive movement that is taking private bedrooms all over the world like wildfire.

My name is Master Nak and I find myself unexpectedly immersed in this world due to my love for a submissive sub slut Slave Tay. In searching for information on how to be a Slave owner and a dom Master I have found that the information available is all over the map. Much of this dates back to the days of Leather in the late 70s and early 80s, and that time of the 20th century is a pretty big turn off for me, as I am not gay, nor do I have a leather fixation.

The Dom Sub world in which I find myself is more elegant, the rules deeper and more subtle, the power exchange more intertwined which the real world. The pain that my Slave requires still I find a bit shocking, and my ability to control my strength so that I inflict pain without leaving bruises and marks is something I am still learning, been a new Dom and still learning.

However, there is something exquisite about being with a sexual partner that is totally submissive, and her deep needs for her Master to take control still take my breath away.

This site is fully interactive, and we are looking for people to comment, contact and participate.

Kisses and Lashings,

Master Nak

Disclaimer:

  • This site is for informational purposes only.
  • There are no services, products or advertising for sale on this site.
  • Dom-Sub.Net is operated only to help educate,¬†enlighten and publish simple rules of conduct and in no way endorses any illegal or unethical behavior.
83 Comments
  1. Hello I am J Marie I am owned by a wonderful Man I call Sir, going on for 4 yrs now. like others that have written on here I am also looking for other Dom/subs to share experiences with and chat.It would be great to connect with like minded people in this lifestyle.. Sir and i have a TPE relationship that is 24/7.Thank you for this site!

    J Marie

  2. Do you get many virgins on this site ?

  3. Hi Nique ~ Yes, we do get many people who are getting into the BSDM world. Mostly it is dominants and submissives who have had some experience through online encounters and want to get a better sense of how to behave, what is the protocol, where are the boundaries.

    I was going to make a joke and say: “72” ~ but that would have been bad form. Thanks for coming by, anything I can do to help please do not hesitate to ask. ~ Nak

  4. Hello I am Baby Harley , I am a bi sub female that is owned by a great man that I was born to serve, we have enjoyed multiple sessions with other women,Master has expressed that he is about to start searching for me a live in sister, I am excited about this but worry about how it will work with a 24/7 live in sister as we have never had someone for more than a day or two. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

  5. Hello Baby Harley,

    Since I have no true experience in a 24/7 dom sub relationship, I can only give you my thoughts along practical lines, not my experience strength and hope.

    That being said, I would hope that you take a very active role in finding your new sister. You should ask your master for this indulgence, for if you are not happy with his choice, the life that you now enjoy could be destroyed forever. Adding a 3rd always is complicated, and adding a 3rd to share your life is a huge step. I don’t know about you, but smell (pheromones) is a major component with my sexual/sessions partners, and that is just one factor in the complex dance that is emotion and attraction.

    I would think that entering into the search for a 3rd in you and your master’s relationship could become an exciting and fascinating quest for both of you, opening up new and exciting experiences.

    In the end, if you are not happy with your masters choice it will end in disaster. Your life will be miserable and you will have to find a way out. Even though I understand that there are boundaries in what you can say or do to your current master, it would be in both of your best interest to make this quest a collaborative experience.

    ~ Nak

  6. I have recently started a relationship with someone that is submissive, she is a amazing woman, I have always hide my dominate side because of the vanilla women that I have had in my life, the couple that wanted to try “kinkier” stuff didn’t like what I now know I need. So to sum this up any guidance that you could give to a new Dom with his first sub would greatly be appreciated. Thanks for the awesome page.

  7. Why do Doms usually spank there submissive on there first meeting?

  8. I been a master now since before the thought of a man owning a lady as sub or slave in the BDSM life style. when it comes to going from a couple to a three some as a live in my experience is it does not stay that way longest is 6 months you will have disappointment and distrust if any of you start spending time a lone with out all 3 of you there. First as you being the prime sub when your having a hurt or bad day so you reject a master touch or what he says then he take the new sub and you are even more hurt when he starts making more moves on her than you. as master when you have 2 slaves you must at all time keep both as equal or you must establish that the one is always to be the alpha slave and others must always obey her. this steps up a internal feelings between ladies where one will always want to over throw the highest one. always trying to get a better hand on master that the other. there by causing a split or loss of one or bothg in time space. so my recommendation is don’t if you have a good relationship keep it as you have it bring in a sub to play with once in while to stimulate what you have s ok but more that that who leaves whohurt is the question. MASTER TAT

  9. Thank you for sharing your experience strength and hope Master TAT. Having lived the life your insight is most helpful. ~ Nak

  10. Funny thing there, S_Harley, it was a sub that brought me into the life, and though that experience I found my true nature.

    Take time to plan your sessions. It is serious business and concentration is key. Keep your boundaries before, during and after the session. Staying focused is of vital importance to your Sub, and for you as well. Do not break character. Through the process be aware that you are looking for the right time to bring closure to the session, like a ‘beat’ for an actor. This will help define the beginning, middle and end. Keep you internal state light, this is for your pleasure as well as your Sub’s.

    As a Dom, your ultimate responsibility is the safety of your Sub and you as well. Be very careful if you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol. As a Dom I would suggest avoiding drinking at all for the first few sessions. An out of control Dom is not a Dom at all. If you can’t handle the heat, stay out of the kitchen. To assume the Dom role, you must be in control at all times during the session. Drinking can really mess things up, in a very big way. You have been warned.

    Thanks for commenting on the site. The life sends chills down my spine, and I have the greatest respect for those who can take the leap of faith into the most extraordinary journey.

    ~ Nak

  11. Master Nik,
    I recently met my new dom and as he was laying down the rules I became very hesitant because he told me I wasn’t allowed a safe word and I don’t know what to do. Do you have any advice?

  12. Hi Worried One,

    That is not acceptable. No means no. Having a safe word is essential. There is no negotiation on this, it is the boundary that is not crossed. The safe word is not just a practical component, it is a concept. Without a safe word, dom sub play can quickly become abuse. Get rid of him asap.

    ~ Nak

  13. I was wondering how most Dom/Sub relationships work in the longrun. Do they become more like common relationships, or remain causal?

  14. Ironically enough, most dom sub relationships are long lasting. There is significantly more trust in the dom sub relationships I have known and experienced. There are a number of reasons for this, TPC being a very big part of it, but there is also a level of intimacy that is seldom achieved in vanilla relationships. ~ Nak

  15. I have been a sub for the last year and a half to a great Sir. This is my first sub/dom relationship. I’ve always had trust in him and felt secure. He recently had me start to chat with another Dom. I’m not sure how I feel about this. I want to please him but I’m not sure I could partake in anything physical with this new person although the thought does excite me at times. It has only been Sir and I until now. We agreed from the beginning that we would only play with each other. I don’t know if there are any expectations. Don’t know what to do or how to feel. Thank you.

  16. I feel lost. I recently realized I’m submissive. I realized that I was/am unhappy and wanted to see what I wanted/needed. The books I kept buying to read were all dom-sub relationships – I found that they are the books that turned me on and I started to long for dominance. I did some reading on net about submission and dom – sub relationships but I wanted to chat with people that actually live it to see if it is what I truly want/need. I am married – I knew when I started doing research that if a dominant is what I need – he is not going to give me what I need. I chatted in a chat room but didn’t have much luck finding a dominant to talk to and see if it is what I desire. I have talked with one dom and I have enjoyed it. I finally found a dom to talk to and he was great! He answered my questions and asked me questions – he agreed that I was submissive. Since we connected so well, he became my Master and I gave him my complete submission. He knew/knows I’m new to submission and would need to teach/help me with my submission. Our Master – sub relationship was on-line. He would dress me (I found I really liked that), was there when I had a bad day and needed to vent or what ever I needed. We discovered that I’m married to a submissive and he’s married to a dominate. Unfortunately he has to step back due to his home life. He said that since I basically just discovered I’m a submissive and I need a master that he supports me in searching for a master. He said he will support me by being there for me to ask questions about poss master and help me with questions I should ask potential master. Now I just feel lost – it was weird today not dressing in what he chose. He has always made me feel comfortable, safe and cared for and I feel out of sorts without him. I feel too old (I’m 42) to be new and learning about being submissive. I worry that I won’t find (not even sure where to look) for a Master that will have the same patience and care he has given me. I guess I just don’t know what to do or what direction to go. Just lost. Thanks for listening

  17. I have just discovered this site, due to finding myself in a new situation as a Dom, with a sub who expresses a tremendous desire for complete domination. I did a search for Dom/sub and this site was the first in the results. From what I’ve read, I’m quite impressed with how helpful and informative it is.

    I am particularly taken with the most recent entry by iWannaKnoWIWnt . . . as it seems she could be much like the sub I’ve met.

    So far the sub and I are online only, but we are building to being together in person. It would be good to hear the perspective of the subs, as well as the Doms, on being new, how to approach things, in addition to sharing how we feel.

    I have had moments with other partners when I knew my Dominant tendencies, and even had a couple comment about them, and respond, in some instances.

    I already feel this very protective instinct, beyond what I would normally feel for a partner. And I attribute that to her desire for dominance, to submit herself . . . that trust she extended to me. I feel it is precious, and that is how I address her, ‘Precious’.

    But what she expresses arouses me more than any ‘vanilla’ interaction depicted ever could.

    I am very interested in suggests and advice for all sources.

    Thank you.

  18. Hello EvrSrchng

    Thank you for the excellent and positive feedback about this website. It pleases me so to hear that in outlining the basics I have been able to guide you in a safe and fulfilling direction.

    When I discovered my own Dom tendencies and needs I had many questions. At first the strength and power of being a Dom pretty much totally freaked me out. My Sub wanted the real deal, and the notion that I could find myself with a dead Sub was very real. I wanted to give her what she required, but the idea of strangling a woman I was making love to was just so over the top. I am physically quite strong and when one is in the heat of crazy passion the boundary between pleasurable pain and outright assault is a thin one indeed.

    I was able to reach out and find people in ‘the life’ to talk to and ask these very important questions. As I explored these boundaries and sought out people in ‘the life’ for advice, my understanding of Dom Sub dynamics deepened. My motivation for creating this site was to help people learn how to deal with most important elements to assure a safe and pleasurable experience. The concept of TPE, the fierce and driving need of the Sub, the true nature of being a Dom and the essential role that the dynamic plays in sessions.

    Powerful and life changing is this ‘life’. Done with the correct understanding of the core protocol, it can lead to relationship intimacy beyond your wildest dreams.

    ~ Nak

  19. Where do I start… My boyfriend very much has Dom tendencies and I have Sub tendencies. I need for him to let it out (on me) as I feel it would give him peace of mind and help for him to truly release. I feel he is holding back. We are moving in together next week and for the Holidays, I would like to introduce him to this. However, I will be just as new to the life as he would, only I have read a couple of books. How do I introduce him and myself to this life that I believe is what we both desperately need?

  20. Hi Cherry,

    The first thing I want to say is ‘YAY!’. Welcome to one of the most wonderful and life changing transformations. It has changed the very core of my passion, the nature of who I am.

    You raise a very important question, and one that is potentially fraught with peril (cue dramatic soundtrack) Be very careful how you introduce this new found desire. While you say your bf has Dom tendencies and you have Sub tendencies, there is a huge gap between that reality, and the ability to have your bf adapt to an outright manifestation of DOM.

    Let me clarify. Sometimes a man can be a Dom in the world, meaning he is direct, assertive, able to communicate what he wants and knows how to get it. This does not mean that this skill translates to being a Dom in the bedroom (dungeon, fill in the blank). Many times a man is hardwired in a way that makes it difficult to release his per-concieved notions about binding, spanking, slapping the one he loves and desires. It can be a big conflict, and I am just saying this to help you shape your approach. Since you feel you have Sub tendencies, you are going to need to take a pro-active role and seduce your man, tell him how much you need to be dominated by him, that there is a fierce, dangerous need building up inside you, and you need him in way that you have never needed him before.

    I am sorry to say that you will probably have to manipulate things to bring him onboard the dark ship Dom-Sub. lol. This is what happened to me, btw, I was seduced by a Sub into the Life. She was fantastically sexy, no, not just sexy, On FIRE! In spite of all my hardwired programming she brought me into The Life, and through the chaos and confusion I emerged a white hot Dom.

    In spite of your best efforts, you must also be prepared to fail. He might not bite, he might run screaming into the hills, he might just collapse into a steaming puddle of tears. Also, you need to check you own motives. Have you ever been tied up so that you could not escape, and spanked till your ass was cherry red? In theory it is all good, but when it comes down to actually being treated as a Sub, you might find it is not your particular kink.

    Let me know how it goes, check in on the site and post a response.

    XxxOoo

    ~ Nak

  21. Hello I’m new to the seen I’ve been very interested for many years and have found a partner who has the same likes as myself. I am the Dom and she is my Sub. I want to do everything I can to be the best Dom I can doing lots of reading and trying to find out everything I can. I wanted to ask the question what makes a good Dom and how can you build your relationship into something lasting and special.

    Thank you for your time

  22. Hello, I was just wondering how to go about starting a dom-sub relationship. I’m new to this and I know its what I want. But I don’t know how to find a Dom right for me.

  23. Hi! I am new to the dom/sub practice. I recently had a session with an experienced Dom. I know him as a friend in real life for 2 years. He has been into the lifestyle for many years. He was very clear with me about the rules and we used the safe word and he followed and respected my boundaries. He did try to push me past that, but nothing more than verbally. Now he says that if we play again, there will be no NO and that he decides what will happen.

    How should I handle this effectively? Is he trying to play “head games” with me? Isn’t this all about negotiation? Does he call the shots in the play time? I have read a great deal about the lifestyle, but have not really seen this issue addressed. Thank you.

  24. Happy Holidays!

    Great to hear that you had an excellent experience.

    “Now he says that if we play again, there will be no NO and that he decides what will happen.”

    I call bullshit. Sounds like your Dom has some serious issues going on if that is the way he feel. Safe word is sacred. No means no. Period.

    It sounds like there are other things going on here. You can only go so far in ‘experimentation mode’ and come to the conclusion that perhaps you are not a Sub. Something to consider. There is a point where pain transforms into deep pleasure and the desire to test your own boundaries come into play. You can only go so far into this world as an intellectual exercise. Your ‘Dom du Jour’ might have thought that you needed to go deeper, past the point of no return. If he is as experienced as you say he might have been saying that to you so that if you were to do another session together you would be able to let go, past your fears, to immerse yourself into the moment.

    Just something to consider.

    Let me know how it goes!

    ~ Nak

  25. So I’ve been interested in the dom/sub scene for quite a while. I have never experienced anything like it but I’ve read about it many times and its always excited me. However being so young and having a boyfriend, im at loss as to what to do about it. My boyfriend knows about my curiosity but hasn’t been introduced to this world either. I
    I’ve read a lot about it and I think I know a lot too, I WANT to be dominated but the thought of being in control excites me too. I need advice on what to do or if I should act on it. I’ve read the comments and I know I’m in good hands.

  26. Sexy, smart, funny. What’s not to like :)

    WANT to be dominated but the thought of being in control excites me too. I need advice on what to do or if I should act on it.

    There is a role that straddles both side of TPC, and that is the role of the ‘Switch’. Funny thing happened the other day. My sub gf started spanking me in the morning as a little joke and love play and OMG! it felt soooo good. Am I on the wrong side? *grins

    You can go both ways, honey. :D

    I do want to caution you, being a switch can get confusing for all parties involved. I suggest you try out various aspects. As to your current boyfriend, you might embark of explorations into this world.

    Another warning! Both of you being young, you will run into potential complications if you meet other BSDM people along the way. Your bf might find himself challenged as to his core intentions by other males in the BSDM world. Before going into a group of other people ‘from the life’, be sure to be aligned (you and your bf) ~ things can get a little weird when you meet other doms and subs if your predilections are still being shaped.

    Please, be sure to give this a try in the real world. Do not let this be only a virtual imagining. There is nothing quite like having your lover tied up, panting, squealing, thrashing around, begging for more.

    Please keep me posted as to your adventures, my little switch,

    :)

    ~ Nak

  27. So I’m not sure if you will get this as I am unsure how this works. Ok so I’m not very open about this but I’ve been a sub since I was 14 (yea don’t want to get into it) I’m in a dom/sub relationship and my dom forces pleasure on me and won’t let me on top during sex. He gets mad when I don’t look him in the eye during it. I’m sry I’m not trying to talk bad about him but I can’t even go to the bathroom without him standing outside. My ex was dom and he wasn’t this way. Maybe because he’s a soldier but still. I was used to being submissive one way now this new way. I can’t even resist even a little without being punished. He doesn’t hurt me really it’s more of forcing pleasure on me…I just want to please him without him pleasing me. And a little space. How can I communicate this to him without him feel like I’m walking all over him? Also he wants me to live with him but I can’t fully submit in that way if he can’t give me air. Plz plz help

  28. What you are describing to me is an unacceptable situation. You may be a sub, but that does not mean you are a living doormat. Walk all over him on you way walking out the door.

    There is a very fine line between a dom/sub relationship and massive codependency. There are other camps of thought out there in the dom sub world, but for me issues of codependency need to be addressed openly. The idea of a 24/7 365 ‘session’ in which the dominant and submissive roles are constant is not something that I think is healthy or realistic. That is my opinion and what I believe.

    Take back your power, remember that it is yours, and get the hell out of this particular relationship.

    Life is too short to be in borderline abusive relationships. Leaving this guy might be difficult and even dangerous, take precautions, make a plan and do not tell him about it. This is not something I say very often, but in this case the vibe I get reading your post is setting off some alarms.

    ~ Nak

  29. Hello, first let me say reading the posts and your responses have helped me already. I am going to meet my Dom for the first soon so this is my first real experience. I feel that I am naturally submissive and it has been hidden inside of me. I am very nervous and excited at the same time. I am especially nervous about using a gag on me as he has already stated that he would. I’m sure this is normal for the most part. I am very open minded and I will do as he wishes, but I can’t seem to get it out of my mind. I want to please him, as it pleases me. Are there any tips that you may give me that will help with my first introduction into this lifestyle go smoothly on my part as a sub. The pull inside of me is very deep and I believe that I can be what he wants and expects of me. Just the jitters I guess.. lol
    I thank you for your time and I will keep on reading here.

  30. hello Master Nak. I’m a 21 year old brunette who’s very curious about becoming a submissive. I’ve been interested in this kind of lifestyle for about a year now and i think its time for me to start looking around for a potential Dom who’s willing to teach and explain everything to me. I’m not looking for a male who’s just looking for rough sex and claims to be a Dominate but truly knows nothing about being a Dom. I’m wanting someone who’s willing to take the challenge and push me as far as i can go without breaking my limits. i want my Dom to connect with me not only on a physical level but a emotionally and mental level as well. i want my Dom to be stern and strict but gentle and loving. I want him to protect me against anyone and anything if need be.I want levels of unbreakable trust. when he looks at me in the submissive position i want him to look at me with utter satisfaction and pride that I chose to be his. that I chose to give him every part of me and he is grateful to have me kneeling at his feet. when ever we go to socialize with other Doms and submissive’s i want him to be proud that I’m his. I want him to show me off and know that every other Dom is staring wishing that they had me. I want every Submissive to wish that they were me and that they had a Dom just like him. I want him to know every single part of me and know me better then i know myself. I prefer that my Dom be in really good physical shape as am I. i do have a age limit. I am 21 so i do not want a Dom to be older then 40 years old but i want him to be very experienced. it may seem like i am asking to much but i feel as if i deserve somebody like that. if i am going to give my Dom every Single part of me and obey his every command i expect to get treated the way That i deserve. is this to much to expect? Am i over analyzing the situation of what i want?
    are subs usually this high standard?

  31. Master Nak,
    I am very new to the lifestyle and having difficulties controlling my behavior. I have just recently began a relationship with my Dom. We have known each other for several years but never acted upon a relationship til now. He has been a Dom for many years but I am new to the role of sub. Currently we spend a lot of our relationship on line and I am having difficulty with controlling my behavior from being a business friend to now being his sub. How do I balence this? In the bedroom I have no problem being his sub and my focus is him. But in our online conversations he has said I am being aggressive. Our conversations are usually blended with intimate and work. How can I focus better and keep my behavior in check? Suggestions please.

  32. Hi Lindie,

    It is essential for a Dom/Sub relationship to have defined boundaries. Without clear boundaries the relationship can descend into destructive co-dependency. Keep in mind that it is the Sub that defines the relationship for the Dom, not the other way around.

    If your Dom is as experienced as he says he is, he would not engage in such pathetic and obvious manipulation. If you are a business woman, you know how tough it is out there. You have to stay on your toes, and sometimes that means being aggressive. This is a fact. If your Dom is giving you crap about it, tell him to take a hike.

    My attitude about this is quite clear. Sessions are sacred. When the Dom/Sub relationship moves out from the dungeon, bedroom, etc things start to get weird, fast. Old school BSDM people might not agree with me, but I do not believe that in our contemporary world there is any place for promoting maximum dysfunction. The world has way too much dysfunction as it is.

    The concept of the session is important, and it allows for the existence of a sacred space in which the participants are allowed to engage in their deepest fantasies and needs. Outside of the session, the Dom no longer has the power over the Sub.

    If you, as the Sub, make a choice of having your Dom have power over you in RL (Real Life), you have started down a slippery slope. If you feel this to be a burning need, you should consider some form of help, professional or 12 step. I have personally found the rooms of ACOA or ACA to be most effective in terms of learning about yourself and your core hardwiring when it come to co-dependency.

    “Our conversations are usually blended with intimate and work.”

    Stop. Keep it professional until after work finishes for the day.

    “How can I focus better and keep my behavior in check”

    By having a heart to heart with your Dom, outline clear work/play boundaries. If he keeps crossing the line, cut him off.

    Good luck, Lindie, Circle back around later and let me know how things turn out!

    ~ Master Nak

  33. Hello Master Nak,

    I’m Elizabet, and I have to say that I have been interested in the lifestyle for about two years now, I just turned 18 last October, and it is hard to find good info for newbies like me. FetLife helps a lot. It is also a little problematic because I am in my senior year of high school. I don’t really know what to do…
    I’m interested in going to munches, but it would be super awkward to tell my parents about the munch. Any help is greatly appreciated

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