Dominant + Submissive Relationships / Domination + Submission Life

Dominance + Submission Letters to the Editor 2 John

Hi Nak,

Thank you for taking the to reply so thoroughly to my inquiry. I do consider myself fortunate to have met this person. You mentioned a list of items that I should buy and most of them I have an idea about, but will appreciate the links that you said that you could provide. One of the items you mentioned was a kind of generic term, restraints, but I am not sure about what you specifically mean.

Our story may be a bit unusual. This woman and I are both married…to other people. We met online and I was attracted to the glimpse of her intelligence and creativity in her profile. We only met face to face a few days ago, and when I met her I sensed something in her demeanor and was more bold (not aggressive) with her than is normal for me. We hit it off immediately and she indicated in our conversation that she wanted to explore being submissive. This immediately piqued my interest to know what that means, so that I could understand what my role would be in that type of relationship.

I have searched for hours on information on this area, and what I have wondered is if I am the right kind of person to be a dom. A major portion of my enjoyment of sex is the gratification of knowing that I am able to please my partner–that probably sounds more feminine than masculine (at least stereotypically), but it is absolutely true. The idea of inflicting pain is normally abhorant to me, but it is obvious, from my limited observations, that people who engage in BDSM are fully consensual and find it extremely fulfilling and exhilerating. It also seems, that there is no formula, but that it requires an investment of time and energy to make this successful for both partners.

In this short period of time, I have noticed that D speaks to me with two different voices–actually one voice, but two tones. One is the businesswoman and mother who is responsible and successful at what she does, but mostly when she speaks to me it is a a sub. I do believe that she wants to be unshackled from the burden of always being responsible and successful and to let me guide her on this path. I feel quite a bit behind the curve. She has been exploring this path for months before deciding to take this step, I have only been learning for less than a week. But each time we meet, I seem to please her with what I am doing with the barest of knowledge that I possess.

I find it interesting that it would seem being a dom doesn’t mean that I’m the boss because if I am not successful at learning what she wants, it is likely that she will be the one to seek someone more suited to meet her needs. It seems, that this role is challenging but, in life, the most worthwhile things are achieved by meeting and succeeding in the challenges we face.

Sorry to bombard you with all this. So to be succinct (too late, I know):

  • Yes, I am interested in any insights and information that you would be willing to share with me on this new road.
  • Yes, please send me the links to the items you recommend
  • Yes, I think this path may be something that I am suited to, and want to learn if I am correct, and to be successful if it is right for me

Thank you for the generosity of your time and I look forward to further correspondence with you.

Best regards,


Date: Fri, 30 Sep 2011

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