Dominant + Submissive Relationships / Domination + Submission Life

Dominance + Submission Letters to the Editor 4 Nak

Hi John,

Thank you for reaching out and contacting me through this site.

I want to learn to be worthy of being a dom for her, and she is eager for me to guide her in how she can please me. I would like to ask if you can let me know where to gain the information to be a dom. This is an exciting exploration, but
I would like  to find some kind of map so that I can learn quickly.

Whew, where do I begin.

There is a great deal of information out there on the web, that is true. However, that being said, there are also many posers and wannabe Doms that have no idea of what this title and the lifestyle really entails.

There is a very old skool mentality that is well documented. But, rather than drifting into some of the more thorny and arcane rituals of old skool dom/sub ~ master slave stuffs, let me cut right to the heart of things.

If you have a willing partner who want to explore being your sub, and she is wanting you to be her dom, you have an extraordinary opportunity to explore one of the most intimate relationships that can exist between and man and woman.  You should feel yourself blessed.

First rule to understand is that the sub, in the end, has all the power. There is a term used in this world called TPE, or total power exchange.  In order for you to have the type of loving amazing relationship that dominant ~ submissive can become, it is important to understand that the sub grants to power to the domin order for things to work.

This means that being a dom is not about randomly barking orders and expect to be obeyed, though there are some relationships that evolve into just that. It is more about taking control in the sexual aspect of the relationship.  The sub needs to relinquish control, and by doing that, hands control over to you the dom.

What I have found is that often the sub female is a person who in the real world has either control issues, or is in a position of power and responsibility (or both) and is looking to have that control taken over in specific situations (very private, most often intimate + sexual.  This relinquishing of control serves several key functions, and in doing so represents a release of tension and anxiety, which leads to relaxation and release.

In order for this to happen, she needs to trust that you, as the dom, are going to take this control, by doing so, give her a break from holding onto things.

You are going to need to do a little homework (which you are doing by reaching out), and I would probably do some shopping as well.

Some of the things you are going to need to get are a set a restraints (soft to start with), a gag, a small paddle, some very soft rope (silk is nice if you can find it), and depending on the bed you share or have available, something to act as a simple under the bed resistance rig, so that you bed does not get broken.

I hope I am not moving too fast here, but it is late for me and I have an early morning.  I can send you links to some low cost products I have found very effective in this regard.  I am not in any business of this.  If you want to keep talking via email, I can let you know how I got into this life.  It was very much the same way you have.  I met a woman who had been a sub for only a year before we met, and wanted to continue to explore.  So she asked me, and I learned how to be a dom due to her needs and desires.  🙂

What I found was that is was not anything I had imagined.  It pretty much blew my mind and changed things for me in the world of sexual relationships. You might find it opening a door in your world like it did with mine that has changed the sexual dynamic for the better.

Please email me back if you like, I can get into further detail. I just don’t have the time to go any deeper, but I would be happy to continue to be you guide in starting down this road,



1 Comment
  1. Hey Nak, my wife and I are starting down the road of d/s and so far it has been exhilarating and amazing. I am still learning the nuances of Dom and would love to chat about some things as far as means of taking control and giving you a more in depth picture of our relationship so that I may be able to fully understand all that I need to do and say to help her submit completely.

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