Dominant + Submissive Relationships / Domination + Submission Life

Dominance + Submission Letters to the Editor 6 Nak

Hi Cinders,

Thank you for reaching out for information.

One question I have is the relationship that a sub and dom have, are they usually a committed couple or just two people in the community? I would prefer to experience with someone I’m in a committed relationship with.

I think you answered your own question. lol.

There are many misconceptions about Dom-Sub relationships and BSDM relationships in general. From my experience, the bond that occurs in a dominant /submissive relationship is deeper and more intimate that regular (called vanilla) sexual relationships.

There has to be a deeper level of trust and intimacy in order for the dominant/submissive dynamic to come into play. In order for you to understand this, there are some things that I need to explain to you. There is this thinking out there that the power in a Dom-Sub dynamic comes from the Dom, ordering around the Sub.  This could not be the further from the truth, as the power in any Dom-Sub is held by the Submissive in the relationship. It is the Sub that defines and shapes the dynamic in any situation by his/her wants and needs and most importantly the ‘bounderies’.  The Submissive ‘gives over’ control, and allows the Dominant to work within these boundaries. This is critical to understand and help define who you are looking for, and what you want from any given situation, encounter, relationship.

If you find yourself getting turned on by the prospect of being tied up and dominated, there is obviously a deep need you are discovering withing yourself that has not yet been realized. Welcome to the World ofDom/Sub, BSDM.

I have found that the Submissive women (I am a man, and I suspect that you are female from your email address) I have known tend to have to be very much in control in their normal day to day, and that being the Submissive allows then to relinquish control for a short time, and that by doing this, it fulfills a deep need that they cannot get in real life.

A real Dom (Dominant) understands this, and also understands that the Submissive, while keeping the power in the sexual dynamic, has a fierce need to have that control taken away, albeit in a short, contained controlled area. so, during a ‘session’ or an ‘encounter’, the Sub needs the Dom to take control of the situation, and she (in this case) needs to have confidence that the Dom is going to keep her safe within the guidelines of the ‘session’.

All this may sound a bit confusing, and there is a term for this, called TPC, or Total Power Control, but this is the essential core of a Dom/Sub dynamic. Trust is essential, and trust is only gained through experience and ‘play’ in any given session, and the ‘safe word’ becomes of critical importance.  Before you do anything, as proper ‘safe word’ need to be discussed and decided upon, as well as a ‘safe gesture’ as sometimes the sub is gagged.

I will be honest here.  I did not come to this world being a Dom on my own, I was trained to be a Dom by my first Sub. She explained what she needed, and how she wanted it, and asked me if I would be herDom.  I agreed, and, even though I have never had any problem being a good lover, I found myself discovering a whole new world of sexual, sensual experiences. Not only that, but that I was very good at being a Dom, and it gave me new insight into a type of sexual intimacy that I did not know even existed.

I hope that this helps, it is a bit long winded, but the subtleties of this single critical aspect will help you unlock your understanding and lead you down the right path to find the type of experiences and relationships that you seem to be looking for.

If you want more information and/or links, please email me again.


Master Nak

  1. I know that with any new experience you just have to try it and see if you like it
    But is there a tell? It sounds hot, but we also have been reading fifty shades of grey and bared to you. Would you say that these books account what a real Dom/sub relationship is like? Would you say that they are pretty close to accurate?

  2. I’m new to the dom/sub relationship. I could use a little more insight of you could. I’d really appreciate it. I’m the sub and I want to make my son happy but I honestly dnt know what I’m doing. I love being tied up, spanked all that but I wanna make sure I’m fulfilling his wants and needs.

  3. HI Master Nak, I have taken a few tests and always come up as a Submissive…. I find this very intriguing as I am quite a dominant personality in my day to day life… I do however recognise that I like to be controlled in the bedroom, While I am a strong and independent woman, it thrills me to know that someone else is actually taking care of things, Finances. security etc., I have recently been asked if would be Submissive to a Gentle Dominant. I trust this man explicitly, and did not hesitate, however, I feel the need for things to be very clear, his only request is that I am permanently available to him sexually, (respecting my hard limits is a given), we are discussing the terms of a contract, I am not sure of what dynamics should be brought into play her and how this would work, some guidance would be greatly appreaciated. Thank you so very much. Belle.

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