Dominant + Submissive Relationships / Domination + Submission Life

Dominance and Submission

Dominance and submission, and the inner conflict and surrender connected with these are enduring themes in human culture and civilization. In human sexuality this has broadened to include mutual exploration of roles, emotions and activities which would be difficult or impossible to do without a willing partner taking an opposing role.

While D/s can deal with representations of brutality and cruelty, and the emotional responses to them, adherents are quick to point out that D/s is not about acts of brutality and cruelty. It is a consensual power exchange between the two partners and need not involve any brutality (such as corporal punishment) or cruelty (verbal or emotional abuse) at all. It is primarily based upon trust and communication between the partners. It is also based on a deep ethos of mutual respect in which exploration of the emotions brought up by power exchange can occur in a safe, sane and consensual manner.

Mistress Jada dominating Mistress Veronica in an S&M Dungeon

A safe word is usually given to the submissive partner to prevent the dominant from overstepping physical and emotional boundaries. The safe word is especially important when engaging in verbal humiliation or playing ‘mind-games’ because the submissive may not be aware of an emotional boundary until it is crossed. If an emotional boundary is breached and the safe word called, the dominant should cease all play immediately and discuss the emotional breach with the submissive in a tender and understanding manner. Negotiating limits in advance is also an important element in a D/s relationship.

D/s may be ritualised or freeform. It is usually a negotiated lifestyle, with people discussing their wishes, limits and needs in order to find commonality. A D/s relationship may be sexual or non-sexual, long or short term, and intimate or anonymous. Most adherents search for the essential intensity, trust and intimacy that are required to make any deep relationship possible. ~ from Wikipedia ~

photo David Shankbone CC

15 Comments
  1. You are tapping into something wonderful with the creation of this site

  2. I utterly adore you Slave Tay – you are my light, my love, my power, my sweet Slave slut !

  3. My new girlfriend has asked for a dom/sub relationship with me.

    It is something I have fantasized about for decades, and now she is here.

    I long to make her happy, secure, and protected.

    I am learning now, and I thank you for this site.

    This kind of love is special and tender.

  4. looking for sub female

  5. I have resently discovered the submissiveness my girlfriend needs and I need a bit of guidance to find the dominant side I havent yet released and help?

  6. I am reading the book “50 shapes of Grey”
    Is the first time that I’m really understand what is D/s
    Relationship mean.
    I don’t have sex frequently, and I stop enjoy it.
    But reading this book wake me up of my inner emotions.
    Now I can’t sleep thinking about that, I get wet easy, when I though because I am in my 40’s
    I don’t have more interest in sex.
    I would love to be in my 20’s and have something like this.

  7. I too, have been recently reading 50 shades of grey…. and will be turning 42 shortly… and for the first time in my life…. I am realizing how ignorant I am about relationships & sex in a relationship…. I am so enticed to learn more…. wish I could find the right man, the right partner… Unlike Cristy… I don’t wish I was 20 again,,,, because there is no way in hell I would of been able to handle such a lifestyle, at the age of 20. If I could be 20 again but with the brains I have now.. the confidence… Knowing of thyself, it would be a different story.
    I think knowing thyself is a must…. I think to endeavor in such a lifestyle, you most definitely need to have work on any and all emotional issues… living a fearlessly.

  8. Wow – it’s so nice to know I’m not the only one going through this new discovery. I read 50 shades and then realized I get reading only books with dom- sub relationships. I have been unhappy with my life and marriage for awhile. After my 42 birthday a few months back, I decided I was done being unhappy and wanted to know what I want. I have discovered I am submissive and currently have an on-line Master that is my teacher. I’m learning new things about myself and what I like. His ownership of me gives me so much – happiness, warmth, comfort, safety, valued, desired and so much more. I’m working on getting my life back in order / straightened back out. Unsure of marriage – he’s finally realized that I am serious about no longer being unhappy and things are changing for me one way or another. But I know if I stay in my marriage my submission will only ever be online. Now that I know what I have always been lacking to make me feel complete – I feels right or normal for me – I have to decide if my true happiness is worth hurting others. I also know that I will never be 1st for my husband and I no longer wish to be the one responsible for everything. For a little while I’m going to continue to learn more about submission and get my life in order – for once – this years news years resolution is going to be followed – I don’t usually make them because I know it’s something I won’t do – but this year – it’s either follow it or accept that I have chosen to be unhappy the rest of my life. ………………….making choices for ME

  9. I have just become a sub….. I love it. My Dom I trust completely. You have to have that trust. I am 50 years old. I regret missing this lifestyle all these years.

  10. I have known for many years that I wanted to be in a dom/sub relationship… Unfortunately i have never dated anyone who had the same interest. I feel like there is something huge missing from my life but then I convince myself I shouldn’t place so much importance on sex… But I know deep down it isn’t just the sex.. It’s so much more than that. I wish I could find the courage to find what I want.

    There was one time, I was involved with and committed to a man but then I happened to meet another man who I was babysitting for who was a dominant…and basically fell into submissive behavior with him so naturally however I held back because I was not available and eventually cut my ties completely.

    I think it feels good to say these things “out loud”. If I’m lucky, someone may have good advice. I know the answer though… Stop being so scared and go after what I want. In the interim I will keep dreaming that a dominant man will come to me and, well.. you know the rest.

  11. Anastasia Steele, I agree with you about be 20 and have SUB/DOM relationship will be impossible and deal with so much emotions.
    I am 50 now, and still dreaming about it.

  12. I’m doing my project on the D/s relationship. I choose “Fifty shades of grey “for that.I don’t have idea on this topic. After reading the book I got many ideas. I must thank E.L. James.

  13. 50 shades is about bondage not bdsm. bdsm is about total love, submission, a bond of trust between 2 people that is safe and secure. a sub puts his/her life in the hands of his/her dom/master by total trust in believing they will never break the agreement or limit talked out between them over a period of time.it oh so much more than 50 shades of bondage believe me

  14. I am a dom and am looking to find a dom that can sub me. I have been doing it so long…I want to feel the pleasure of a sub, and give myself completely to someone. I am also willing to help new Doms in need of help…this is a blissful lifestyle if you know the right people.

  15. I’m a grizzled veteran of the lifestyle and I’m going through some things that maybe some other experienced people have gone through. First, my wife is a bi sub and we’ve been together 18 years. Though we didn’t know what to call it then, we’ve always had FMF poly relationships. My ability to meet other women, develop relationships with them, and bring them into our bedroom is something my wife admires and it boosts my esteem as her Dom. We’ve had relationships with so many amazing women and been exposed to lifestyles we’d never otherwise experience if not for this. My wife has brought a few women home but she’s never brought one into our relationship; she has no interest in FFM. Having a third makes it very easy to punish my wife by making her watch as we ignore her or humiliate her but I’ve been dating for 24 years now and, honestly, dating is getting old. We enjoy having women in our relationship but it’s becoming so difficult find mutual attraction and kink compatibility with women who are interested in a LTR with a married man. I feel I’ve tapped out the websites, we abandoned the club/public scene a long time ago, and our suburban, parenting-centric lifestyle doesn’t offer many opportunities in our immediate environment. I deplore the hookup scene but I’ve thought of going back to it and trying to turn hookups with potential into LTRs. Before I go that way, does anyone have any other ideas? Second, we’ve found we go in cycles in our D/s relationship where we enter a cycle with enthusiasm, enjoy the lifestyle for maybe nine months, start to take it for granted and lose steam, then spend three months realizing how important D/s is to us. That motivates us with new energy and we begin a new cycle. Each new cycle brings an evolution and each evolution requires a significant investment of energy from me and significant focus and mental upheaval from her. That said, each new cycle IS better than the previous one. Do the cycles ever end (it’s been 8 years) and how do people keep energy and enthusiasm up for a lifestyle that requires so much of that? A milliion thanks in advance, I hope you’re all having a ton of fun!

Leave a Reply